G&STC Queer Holiday Roundup
Being queer around the holidays can be complicated.
While for many people, the winter holidays are a time of celebration and tradition, where time with family and loved ones is prioritized.
But for queer, trans, kinky or poly folks , it might not be so simple. For some, being around family might mean being back in the closet, getting misgendered by relatives, having partners minimized or erased, or other harmful situations with regards to their sexual or gender identity or relationship orientation. And that possibility can be extremely draining or hurtful for folks trying to navigate the holiday season. Not only is it demoralizing, but it comes with a sense of profound isolation at a time where everyone else seems to be celebrating togetherness.
That’s why this year we’re rounding up all our old guides on navigating the holiday season while queer and/or trans. Whether you’re looking for help connecting with & being honest with your family, or just looking for tips on dating during the holidays, we have you covered! Check them out below:
BEING WITH FAMILY AROUND THE HOLIDAYS:
7 Tips for Coming Out to Your Family
“The end of the year is complicated for tons of reasons (coming up with the money for gifts and parties, interacting with family, wonky weather, endless travel, the same six songs played on a loop in every store, just to name a few). One aspect of the holiday season that many folks take for granted is being on the same page as your family about your sexuality or gender. However, for lots of us, this isn’t our experience at all. Letting your family know your sexual orientation or gender identity can be daunting. Coming out is an incredibly personal experience in the life of queer, trans, kinky and non-monogamous people, and there are many very good reasons that they have waited.
Some folks don’t have the luxury of safety when they come out. As we know all too well, people can be hateful and violent toward others who they think are different. Not everyone feels safe enough with their family to come out. Some people might not keep in touch with their families at all. Coming out can also be intensely emotional, and it can be overwhelming to think about investing that emotional energy.
Whatever reason you have for coming out or not coming out to your family, remember that you know your own life best. Coming out isn’t something that every person is interested in or able to do, but if you’re ready to let the folks in your life know more about you, keep these 7 tips in mind.”
→ Read 7 Tips for Coming Out to Your Family Here
Plus: 14 Resources to Share After Coming Out
Talking to Family Members with Different Political Views
While this article wasn’t published with the holiday season in mind, it’s always useful to remember that seeing family around the holidays can mean being confronted with political views other than your own.
“Manage expectations: If your family members are open to having a conversation, ask yourself what is realistic to hope for during and at the end of that conversation. You may not radically change or impact anyone in a single conversation, so are you okay with just laying the groundwork? Are you okay with having multiple conversations? Can you provide some insight or resources that helped you grow as your politics were changing, and allow your family the time to explore them as you did?
Ask yourself what your role is: You don’t have to lecture until you change everybody’s mind. Knowing what your role is and your capacity can help inform how engaged you are in a political conversation with your family, and what type of self care and support systems you need to set up.”
→ Read Talking to Family Members with Different Political Views Here
HOLIDAY SURVIVAL 101:
Holiday Survival Guide for Newly Out Queers
”Set boundaries ahead of time
Be aware of your boundaries, and plan on how to set and maintain those boundaries.
Connect with people that you feel loved and supported by.
Have a chosen family group chat:
Connect with people that you feel loved and supported by […] If there aren’t people where you’re going, stay connected to them via technology.
Remember the good
Create a list of reminders that you keep on hand during particularly stressful times. These could be about your boundaries, self-worth, family dynamics — anything that you want to hold on to.
Create a list of reminders that you keep on hand during particularly stressful times. These could be about your boundaries, self-worth, family dynamics — anything that you want to hold on to.”
→ Read Holiday Survival Guide for Newly Out Queers Here
HOLIDAY DATING, SEX + INTIMACY:
Guide to Intimacy During the Holidays
“Make an Intimacy Cheat Sheet With Your Partner: An intimacy cheat sheet helps to reiterate that you are on the same side and you’re navigating things together.
Cheat Sheets Work For Single People, Too: Be present amid the chaos, whether that’s during the few sexual experiences you can make time for or just generally feeling centered in your body.
Book a Staycation Amid the Madness: Any way that you can inhabit your body pleasurably and with freedom. Remind yourself that it is yours
Utilize these questions to spark self-reflection:
What are the people, places, objects, experiences that make me feel more powerful and free?
What are my typical responses when I’m feeling out of control or powerful? How can I come back to myself in those moments?
What are the encouraging words I need to hear when I'm feeling lost or disconnected?
What are my sure-fire ways to care for myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed?”
→ Read a Guide to Intimacy During the Holidays Here
Getting Kinkier in the New Year
“Plan the types of sex you want to have or try. In movies (and in many people's fantasies), sex happens in an instant, but spontaneous sex isn’t the only way to keep your sex life exciting. I love writing and exploring what we can learn from different communities, and this tip is a great example of what kink and BDSM communities can teach vanilla folks. Putting time and energy into planning the type of sex you want to have can shift what your sex is like, can help create different types of sexual experiences, can help shift your sex life towards the sex life you want, and can build anticipation. By focusing on the “what” and “how” rather than the “when” of sex, we can remove some of the pressure associated with sex and make something that took a lot of communication and planning seem more spontaneous. (P.S-Spontaneous sex, what many cite as how their sex was early on, is in many ways an illusion, and was more planned and intentional than our memories recall.)
Actively stay curious about you and your partner's sexuality and desires.Many find comfort in routine and stability, but unfortunately, that's not where eroticism thrives. Luckily, just as we continue growing and evolving, so do our desires. When thinking about great sex, first re-focus on eroticism and ask yourself what turns you on, makes you feel pleasure, or makes you feel desired. Then ask your partners! Try out, or revisit, yes/no/maybe lists. This is a list of sexual activities, and you can categorize them based on what you’d like to try (yes), what you would not like to try (no), and what you aren’t sure about (maybe). These lists are commonly used in kinky spaces, but can be applied to any type of relationship.”
→ Read Getting Kinkier in the NewYear Here
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