Starting Your Therapeutic Journey as a Queer Person
For many queer people, the journey to therapy involves horror stories about homophobic or transphobic therapists, the bureaucracy of insurance and high out-of-network costs, and the cultural shame associated with professional mental health care. Finding an affirming, caring, and knowledgeable therapist can take months and rarely happens as easily as social media and even online text therapy advertisements imply it should. The process, therefore, often involves multiple false starts and incredible vulnerability and courage from those seeking therapeutic care.
Even once you have found someone you trust, the question of how to begin forming a therapeutic relationship and make the most of your sessions may still linger as an unknown for your first few sessions. From beginning to search for a therapist to beginning your work with a therapist, below are some tips from someone on the other side of the therapeutic relationship on finding a therapist you love and ensuring sessions prioritize your needs and growth.
Finding a therapist
Search for explicitly affirming therapists… and ask for more!
Seeking services from a clinic such as G&STC or those clinics that explicitly state working with LGBQTIA+ identified people increases your chances of finding an affirming therapist and allows you to focus on looking for someone that resonates with you beyond the bare minimum requirement that they respect your gender and sexual identities.
Do you want your therapist to have the same racial or ethnic background as you?
Do you want someone with personal experience on something specific, such as religious trauma or immigration?
Do you want to use a specific therapeutic modality, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or internal family systems?
Understand your therapeutic hopes and needs
When you envision your therapy sessions, what do you imagine yourself discussing? How do you want to feel after your sessions and after six months of working together? Beyond your expectations for therapy, you may also have non-negotiable needs that a potential therapist must address for you to feel safe and engaged in sessions.
While some of your needs may become more apparent as you progress in sessions, having clarity on what makes you feel safe emotionally can accelerate your search for a therapist. Some sample questions you can ask during a consultation call or intake session are:
Do you feel comfortable using they/them pronouns?
Are you part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
How do you feel about polyamory?
What would our first session look like?
Starting Therapy
Celebrate and care for yourself
Because of how long it can take to begin therapy and how little space we have to engage in emotional vulnerability in our daily lives, the first session may bring up emotions and parts of ourselves that have gone unacknowledged for years and may demand to be seen. Additionally, we may need to learn how to speak about our emotional world and struggle to do so at first.
Commemorate and celebrate your first therapy session by giving yourself a treat, like wearing your favorite outfit or watching a cozy anime; whatever you do, show yourself some love after your therapy sessions, starting with your very first one. This will set the tone for how you feel about therapy, even during the most challenging therapeutic moments. Whether it’s the first or 20th session, showing yourself gentleness and care will allow you to engage in therapy fully.
What makes you feel cozy? How can you incorporate that into your sessions?
How do you reward yourself for doing something hard?
What self-care practices do you want to cultivate around therapy?
Set boundaries with your therapist
Many of us go to therapy to learn about boundaries; however, identifying and setting therapeutic boundaries early on can foster safety and help us feel empowered within sessions. Do you want every session to start with a grounding exercise? Do you want to primarily conduct your sessions on the phone instead of via video call? Consider what you need to feel safe during sessions and firmly communicate how you would like the space to accommodate your needs.
As your relationship evolves, you may need to set additional boundaries, such as asking your therapist to limit their self-disclosure or identify behaviors that make you uncomfortable in session. You can ask your therapist to periodically check in with you about your sessions to create an explicit and lower-stakes space for your feedback. While it may be uncomfortable to communicate your needs and what you do and do not like, communication is essential to creating a strong and safe foundation on which to continue your therapeutic work together.
Be clear on your therapeutic goals
While you may have identified and communicated treatment goals during the intake or consultation phase, take time to dig deeper into how you feel this specific practitioner can help you achieve these goals. In taking time to talk about what you would like to accomplish with your therapist at the beginning of your time together, you can lead the work with input and suggestions from your therapist.
How do you define success for your work together? How will you know that you are making progress? What do you need from the therapeutic space and the clinician to achieve your goals? While this may seem too technical for a therapy session, these goals and expectations will create the foundation for your relationship together.
BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BY THERAPIST IN TRAININGCAROLINA BATISTA. FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES PLEASE CONTACT US.