How Do I make Queer Community?

For many of us across the Queer community, the act of finding community isn’t always that easy. Unlike some other marginalized communities, Queer people are not often born into community; instead, it is something we must seek out. Some choose to build community within the existing structures of their hometowns and others choose to seek community by migrating to cities in hopes of finding other like-minded Queers. This inherent longing for community that exists throughout Queer communities influences the culture that pushes many of us to seek refuge in major cities. With this increasing urbanization of the Queer community comes more identifiable Queer third spaces (bars, cafés, bookstores, etc.). 

However, with the added caveats of Coronavirus, a bar-centric gay culture, and the general difficulty of making friends as an adult, finding and making community even in a city is still incredibly difficult. There is also the reality that many of us have never had Queer community before, and not only don’t know where or how to start. So where do we start? 

Community starts with you

The one thing we know already is that we want community and that for some reason it evades us. A place we could start is to examine ourselves and our own relationship to community. What are your expectations of how others “should” be in community? What does community look like for you? Has being in community with other people ever been modeled for you? Do we know how to be in community with people we might share some identities with but not all? 

Historically, community has been fractured in many different ways by class, race, ability, and geographical divides. The Queer community spans all of these divides, and although we share many subsections of the LGTBQIA+ alphabet, we are not always able to come together cohesively. But to be in community is to first examine your role in it and what you believe community to look like. Who are you as a Queer person with other Queer people and what would community look like if it didn’t just look like you? 

Events, Events, Events! 

What do you like to do? What are your hobbies? What interests you? Whether it be kink, crafts, or karaoke, LGBTQ+ centers, colleges, bookstores, and cafés can be great centers for organizing events curated around specific activities or topics. Events related to your interests can be an excellent way to find commonality with other Queer people as well as a common goal or activity to share conversation about. Searching events that are based on interest or even intersecting identities (Queer BIPOC poetry night, Trans stitch & bitch, etc.) can open the door for new like-minded people to come into your life. 

Online Spaces 

One of the many effects of the pandemic was the greater expansion of online community spaces and accessibility of events. For those who may not be able to be in person, whether they are unable to travel or have disabilities that prevent them from being in person, utilizing online events and groups can be a window to meeting new people. For those also not quite ready to take the in-person step or who cannot, online events can be a way to slowly break into a social scene that is centered around a common interest. 

Much of the larger Queer community can be found flourishing through online spaces. Chat rooms, subreddits, and meme pages can be a way to engage with others you normally would not have met in person as well. For communities like the Trans community, online spaces have been an important way to share information surrounding transition and discourse that has helped to broaden the accessibility of the Trans community. 

That being said, keep safe when engaging in online spaces and be mindful of with whom you choose to share private information. Especially when moving from digital to in-person meet-ups make sure to meet in a public place and notify another person of your whereabouts. Stay safe! 

Volunteering and Community Outreach 

In a similar fashion to being in tune with things that interest you outside of work and school, volunteering is a great way to feed an interest that also involves getting to know and meeting other people. Investigate specific organizations that either service the Queer community or are Queer friendly in a capacity that interests you. 

Maybe that looks like Queer advocacy for schools or spending time at a Queer run animal shelter. Carve out a specific time during the week or month to devote to volunteering, and while you might not meet people all at once, you are still able to serve the community on a deeper level. 

Support Groups

Perhaps you’re looking for more support around your identity or something you are struggling with. Support groups are a fantastic way to not only meet other people that share your identities or struggles but who are also there to grow and support one another through hard times. 

For those who are Queer and are on their sobriety journey, identity-based substance groups are a great way to engage with your substance use with other Queer people who are on similar journeys. In addition to support groups, there are also LGBTQ+ social groups for Autistic adults who are interested in finding community with others who are looking to do the same. Groups like Gay and Sober and AANE are great places to start for either sobriety journeys or LGTBQ+ Autistic adults. 

Hookups & Apps 

One thing we can perhaps all agree on is that sometimes Queer people are a little messy. Many hookups or Queer dates can often turn into very long-lasting friendships, and while this is not unique to Queer people, it is a way by which many of us meet each other. Intimacy and friendship can come through many avenues and many different forms, but honesty is still the best policy. Be upfront about your expectations, boundaries, and if a friends-with-benefits situation is right for you. 

Yet, if friends with benefits are not your area of interest, many apps and websites such as Bumble BFF, Meetup.com, and Friender are specifically designed to help you connect with others and make friends. 

BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BY THERAPIST IN TRAINING DUNCAN RICHARDS FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES PLEASE CONTACT US.