G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks with Madison Malone Kircher at Bustle About How to Ask For What You Want in Bed
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Madison Malone Kircher at Bustle about how to ask for what you want in bed.
“If you’re the kind of person who feels better with your schedule written out in a planner, journaling could be a great place to start, says Jesse Kahn, director and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. You could start by tracking the details of your sexual encounters, noting what you like and dislike as if you’re assembling some kind of sexy pros and cons list. “Pay attention to what thoughts come up in your mind that turn you on, what your body responds to, and what you feel turned on by,” they say. From there, use that list to observe patterns until you know how to articulate your preferences.'“
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There are many reasons why it could be hard for you to ask for what you want sexually. Start by asking yourself this question and seeing what comes up for you. Then consider how you were raised, what you learned about pleasure and your sexuality, and what narratives you learned about asking for what you like. Some common experiences could include not having awareness of what you like, fearing rejection and fearing embarrassment.
A few great ways to explore what you want in bed include journaling, exploring your sexuality with another trusted person and exploring your solo sexuality. Regardless of the activity, pay attention to what thoughts come up in your mind that turn you on, what your body responds to and what you feel turned on by.
If you’re struggling to share what you want sexually start by creating the conversation and asking the other person.