G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks with Madison Malone Kircher at Bustle About Why It’s Hard to Ask For What You Want in Bed
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Madison Malone Kircher at Bustle about why it can be hard to ask for what you want in bed.
“Before you do any of that, though, take a moment to have a conversation with yourself, says Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, a director and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. Start by posing the question to yourself: Why is it so hard for me to ask for what I want in bed? Try journaling your answer. Are you afraid of rejection or embarrassment? Or are you not even fully aware of what you want? ‘Then consider how you were raised, what you learned about pleasure and your sexuality, and what narratives you learned about asking for what you like,’ Kahn says. You’re the only one who can answer those questions, so start with yourself.'“
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There are many reasons why it could be hard for you to ask for what you want sexually. Start by asking yourself this question and seeing what comes up for you. Then consider how you were raised, what you learned about pleasure and your sexuality, and what narratives you learned about asking for what you like. Some common experiences could include not having awareness of what you like, fearing rejection and fearing embarrassment.
A few great ways to explore what you want in bed include journaling, exploring your sexuality with another trusted person and exploring your solo sexuality. Regardless of the activity, pay attention to what thoughts come up in your mind that turn you on, what your body responds to and what you feel turned on by.
If you’re struggling to share what you want sexually start by creating the conversation and asking the other person.