G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks Amanda Smith at Get Me Giddy about Understanding the Root of Your Body’s Sexual Pain.
Check out G&STC Director Jesse Kahn talking with Amanda Smith at Get Me Giddy about understanding the root of your body’s sexual pain.
Physical pain and discomfort can be linked to emotions, said Jesse Kahn, L.C.S.W.-R., the director and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. "I think pain can be a way of our body protecting us," Kahn said. "I like to start by getting curious and learn about the pain, by befriending it, getting to know its story and asking its purpose."
More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this topic:
It is common [to see patients struggling with painful intercourse/vaginismus], and it’s probably more common than we really know! I find it so helpful to know this too because a big factor in managing pain during sexual activity and vaginismus is working through and managing the shame, stigma and fear that comes along with it.
Some people experience relief of physical pain and discomfort through going towards their emotions and addressing whatever is happening for them emotionally. However, I like to be really clear that just because treating an emotional part can alleviate the physical pain and discomfort, doesn’t make the physical experience any less real, painful or legitimate. A common thread I hear that is used as a way to invalidate is the saying “it’s all in your head.” I want to make sure that everyone knows and understands that just because physical pain has a root in emotional pain doesn’t make it less real.
If you feel discomfort or pain during sex, sometimes it can be helpful to speak to your sexual partner(s) beforehand and developing a language for stopping, taking a break and giving you space to listen to your body.
Learn your body and learn your pain. Perhaps you have pain with deep penetration specifically, but because your body experiences and fears that pain you have developed pain at other stages of penetration as well. This could be connected to your body fearing the anticipated pain.