G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks with Gabrielle Kassel at InStyle About What the Term Non-Binary Means
CHECK OUT G&STC’S DIRECTOR JESSE KAHN TALKING WITH GABRIELLE KASSEL AT INSTYLE ABOUT WHAT THE TERM NON-BINARY MEANS AND HOW TO EXPLORE NON-BINARY GENDER.
Someone who is non-binary has a gender that does not neatly fit into this binaristic model, explains Jesse Kahn, L.C.S.W., C.S.T., director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in NYC. "It describes a person whose gender is neither man nor woman and can be beyond, in between, and/or completely independent of the gender binary," they say.
MORE FROM G&STC DIRECTOR JESSE KAHN ON THIS TOPIC
Is transgender an umbrella term?
A Transgender person is someone whose gender is different than the one that they were assigned at birth. Within that definition, it would make sense that it can also be used as an umbrella term for many gender expressions, including non-binary. Most importantly, it’s really up to each individual—someone may say they are trans and non-binary, just non-binary, just trans, or any other gender.
On exploring gender
I would start by educating yourself on what gender is, various different terms such as non-binary, and what the difference are between concepts like presentation versus identity. Then, ask yourself: What does gender mean to me? How might I describe my gender? What words resonate for me? What’s my gender presentation and how does that differ or feel aligned with my gender?
In addition to educating yourself on the actual words, it’s important to also reflect on your familiarity with, relationship to and underlying judgments and assumptions of the people and communities that embody these identities, expressions, and experiences. It’s okay to have judgments - we all do. What matters is that we are aware of, question the validity of, work to unlearn and not perpetuate those judgments.
How to be “non-binary”
There is not one way to be any gender, including non-binary. Non-binary doesn’t look one way and varies in the way someone experiences being non-binary. Non-binary people can have a variety of expressions and presentations, and can use any pronouns.
There’s often a misunderstanding of non-binary as a sort of third gender. There’s the idea that you can be a man, a woman, or non-binary. However, this idea flattens the concept of being non-binary as in opposition to two binary genders of man and woman. It also flattens the experience of being nonbinary to one thing–usually a thin, white, androgynous looking person. But that’s not the experience of many non-binary people! Sure, some non-binary people express their gender through an androgynous sort of style and presentation and other’s might not, and this can also change from day to day or within a day.
On sexuality as a non-binary person
Whenever we live in our truth and authentic sense of self it can have an impact on various aspects of our lives and identity, and sexuality is one of those areas. It also doesn’t have to impact someone’s sexuality.