Introduction to Nonbinary Genders
What is gender identity?
A person’s gender identity, in its simplest form, is their understanding or sense of their own gender. Gender identity is made up of lots of different components- things like your internal sense of self, your gender presentation (the clothes, body language, mannerisms, etc. you use to present or express your gender to the world), the relationship you may have to your physical body, etc.
However, while gender identity can be informed by things like your gender presentation, that expression or performance of gender doesn’t itself determine your gender. A woman can dress in a masculine or butch style and that in an of itself doesn’t determine her gender–just the way she has chosen to express her gender. Another person might dress in the exact same way and be using that as a tool to express to the world around them that they aren’t a woman.
We can see that in this way, gender and it’s expression are uniquely personal to every individual. There are no hard and fast rules that we have to adhere to, which means gender is much more expansive than we’re taught to think it is!
What does it mean to be nonbinary?
Many of us are familiar with the terms cisgender (a person whose gender is that which they were assigned at birth) and transgender (a person who identifies as a gender different than the one they were assigned at birth; an umbrella term that emcompases many gender expressions) but other terms like nonbinary are still new and confusing for some people.
(It’s important to note that the existance of nonbinary people itself isn’t new, just our cultural understanding of it).
First, let’s go over what being nonbinary doesn’t mean.
There’s often a misunderstanding of nonbinary as a sort of secret third gender. There’s the idea that you can be male, female, or nonbinary. However, this idea flattens the experience of being nonbinary to one thing–usually a thin, white, androgynous looking person. But that’s not the experience of every nonbinary person! Some nonbinary people express their gender through an androgynous sort of style and presentation, other’s might not, and this can also change from day to day or within a day.
This again is a way in which we see that gender identity is not necessarily dependent on gender expression. Gender expression is just a tool we can use to communicate our gender in a visual way. And not every nonbinary person feels that their gender expression falls outside of what is traditionally known as "masculine" or "feminine." They might feel at home dressing in the way that is culturally taught to the gender they were assigned at birth, and that doesn’t make their gender any less nonbinary!
Being nonbinary also doesn’t mean you feel like half man/half woman. It could mean you feel that way some of the time or in those terms, or that you feel as though you are more than one gender at once, or that you are none at all. Nonbinary simply means existing outside of the gender binary we’re taught.
And, of course, if someone is nonbinary, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they feel they were “born in the wrong body.” This is often given as an experience all trans people must have in order to determine their gender, but it’s not always true nor a narrative that is reflective of one’s experience! Some people feel as though they were born in the right body but that the language they have to communicate the experience of living in that body is what is wrong or that the meanings are then placed on their body are wrong
So what does it mean to be nonbinary?
Like we said above, being nonbinary is existing outside of the binary. It’s an umbrella term–some use it specifically when communicating their identity (“I am nonbinary”), other’s find it helpful to use other labels that fall under the nonbinary umbrella such as:
Some lists will include Two Spirit but this is a term specific & scared to Indigenous American cultures and can’t be used as a direct translation of “nonbinary”
Are “they/them” the nonbinary pronouns?
Pronouns are another form of gender expression. Meaning, pronouns themselves don’t determine our gender (someone could use he/him/his pronouns and not be a man), but they are a tool we often use to communicate something about our understanding of our gender to others.
Some people see they/them as the “nonbinary pronouns” and while they are often used by nonbinary people, it isn’t the case 100% of the time! Some nonbinary people are comfortable using the pronouns they were assigned at birth. Some nonbinary people may start their life being referred to as she/her but decide he/him is more true to their experience. Some nonbinary people use a combination of pronouns, or are comfortable being referred to by any pronouns. Some use neo-pronouns!
Because nonbinary is a term that by nature can’t fit neatly into a box, it can be difficult for some folks to understand.
We grow up with an extremely limiting, binary understanding of gender, so when we’re asked to look beyond that binary it can be hard to even know how to do that. Luckily, there is wonderful art and content being made by nonbinary folks, specifically about their relationship to their gender, that can help others to understand. You can find one example of simple, abstract art depicting nonbinary genders here, and poetry communicating the many complexities of living as a nonbinary person here.
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