G&STC Director Jesse Talks with HuffPost About How Parents Of Trans Kids Are Explaining This Wave Of Anti-Trans Legislation
CHECK OUT G&STC’S DIRECTOR JESSE KAHN TALKING WITH BRITTANY WONG ABOUT HOW PARENTS AND THERAPISTS ARE EXPLAINING THE LEGISLATION–AND THE CULTURE WARS–TO TRANS KIDS.
Remind your kids that this is less about them and more about politics.
Right now, it’s important for your trans child or teen to know that there’s nothing dangerous or wrong about being trans ― and that this current legislative battle is less about them and more about ongoing cultural wars, said Jesse Kahn, the director and a sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City.
“Hearing about all of the different ways trans people are under attack can naturally make them feel shame or fear,” Kahn said. “You can approach this by helping them understand that the anti-trans legislation is not based in facts about trans people, but rather it’s being used as part of a tool in a political struggle for power.”
If kids ask, “Why is this anyone’s business?” Kahn recommends saying, “Of course it’s not their business.” Then ask kids to consider another question: What is someone gaining out of making this their business?
“This takes the burden and shame off of trans youth and places it back where it should be, onto those pushing the anti-trans legislation,” he said.
MORE FROM G&STC DIRECTOR JESSE KAHN ON THIS TOPIC:
It’s important to make it clear first and foremost that what you’re explaining (ex. the sports legislation) is what is happening right now, but that just because it is happening doesn’t mean it is right, fair or happening forever. We think of kids talking about things being “unfair” as a negative sometimes, but recognizing when something is fair or unfair is a very important skill to develop, as it helps them better identify when they are not being treated fairly, which of course is the first step to removing yourself from a situation which harms you. Affirm for them that they deserve to participate and engage with their peers just as they are, and that the problem is not with them. If your teen is comforted by facts you can share with them that there is “no direct or consistent research suggesting transgender female individuals (or male individuals) have an athletic advantage at any stage of their transition.”
A great way to be an ally to trans kids is through support.
This could mean supporting them in creating options for self care and mental health care, affirming their gender through using the correct name and pronouns, taking active steps to challenge anti-trans legislation, advocating for them in their schools, teaching yourself, speaking up and educating those in your life, being available to answer their questions and talk through their feelings, and support via donations and volunteering with organizations who are working to make the world a better place for trans people.
It’s also important that we take this seriously and take the time to learn about the consequences of targeting transgender youth, as anti-trans legislature can have profound impacts on the lives and wellness of trans people. And then more specifically, that we take the time to learn about the specific bills and follow through with action to lobby against the passing of anti trans legislation. We need to protect trans youth.
Just like with any complex topic, your child or teen will need support understanding beyond a single conversation.
Don’t just do research once, keep educating yourself along with them. And know, it’s okay to not have all of the answers to every question your child or teen asks. If you can’t help them understand something because you don’t understand it yet yourself, use it as an opportunity to learn together.