Tips for Reentering the Dating World (Post Vaccine)
As the vaccines continue to roll out, people are transitioning more and more back to a sort of “normal” and part of that is reentering the dating scene! As things get safer (and as weather gets warmer again), people are now able to more easily meet up with connections made on dating apps while in quarantine or are able to feel comfortable hopping back on those dating apps altogether.
But it’s a very nerve-wracking thing! We’ve just spent over a year being cautious about being near others, keeping six feet between us, not seeing each other’s full faces, having to make big accommodations any time we had any sort of social engagement. That’s not easy to just snap out of. So if you’re entering the dating scene, but are still feeling anxious about it: that’s completely normal. You’re juggling all sorts of difficult to navigate feelings while simultaneously trying to make new connections–which is already a vulnerable thing to do! Give yourself some compassion if it’s harder for you to jump into dating than you thought it would be.
To help navigate the mix of pandemic, social, and dating anxieties, here are a few ways to make the transition back into the dating world a little easier:
Be clear in your bio (if you’re using dating apps):
Dating apps are still one of the most convenient ways to meet new people–especially when venturing out to new places or crowded social events feel like too much. But not everyone is taking the same precautions while reentering the world. If there are non-negotiable rules you have when it comes to dating and pandemic safety, consider putting them directly in your bio. While your bio can include your boundaries, it's also an opportunity to speak to who you are–but being upfront about the things you need is totally fine. If you’re not comfortable meeting up until you know more about the vaccine status or how they’ve been managing the pandemic say that! If you’re only open to meeting other vaccinated folks, say that! It doesn’t have to be a big to-do, keep it simple and casual like:
‘Open for dates, still wary of the pandemic so I’m most comfortable outside!’
‘Will want to get to know you (and your vaccine status 😉) before agreeing to meet in person!
You will still need to make your boundaries/wants/needs clear with the specific person you’re seeing of course, but saying your non-negotiables up front helps to weed out those who wouldn’t be a good fit with you ahead of time.
Be honest:
Most of us are a little “rusty” with our social skills these days. We’re out of practice! We’ve been largely isolated for a year and are only now figuring out how to reenter the world, and even so many are still approaching with caution while doing so. It’s completely okay to feel nervous and like you have to learn how to meet new people all over again. Instead of ignoring or pretending the nerves aren't there, just be open about them. Chances are they are nervous too! Having it out in the open can ease the pressure, make it okay for you both to show up as you are.
Listen to your gut:
Dating ideally is fun! Sometimes in reality, it feels scary and overwhelming. This could be because of all the reasons we’ve talked about that come with reentering the world post-vaccine at the same time as reentering the dating scene. But it also can be for any variety of personal reasons that we all have influencing our desires and abilities to make connections. You might not have had a great time dating in the past, so that feeling might be coming along with you as you try again now.
There’s a lot of opportunities for shame and guilt that we might feel when past experiences impact our present ones, but those messages your gut is sending you are there for a reason. They’re trying to communicate something with you! So it’s actually okay if you think you find yourself “overreacting” to a situation that also may be perfectly safe, but for you feels unsafe. If something feels wrong in your gut, but you think you’re “overreacting” you might be responding to a projection that feels very real and present! Or you might be having a gut feeling telling you something you need to listen to that you aren’t able to consciously notice.
Even if you are “overreacting” your priorities while dating can be having fun, connecting, and feeling safe. If those things aren’t happening, explore and consider why. There is a difference between deliberately making the decision to push ourselves a bit outside of our comfort zone and feeling forced to go through with something out of fear of “overreacting” (And the latter may facilitate anger and resentment).
Be gentle with yourself, even if your gut leads you away from a seemingly safe situation. The important part was that it didn’t feel safe for you at the time and it’s better to nurture that reaction of listening to your gut and exploring the feeling it brought up for you (once you’re in a safe environment) than to override it because you want dating to “go well.”
Be mindful when using apps:
Lots of us hopped back on dating apps while quarantined because we were feeling so lonely and isolated. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that! Seeking connection when you feel lonely is a great response. But, it can lead us to accept connections that aren’t right for us or compatible with our lives just because we’re so eager to have any new connection at all. When you’re using dating apps, remind yourself why you’re there and what kind of connection you’re looking for. You don’t need to know specifically what you’re looking for–it’s okay to just want to see where connections go with people, but know that that’s your intention, and be clear when you communicate that to others! Don’t swipe on people who are looking for something you’re not, or something you’re not willing to give.
But being intentional about the kinds of connections you’re open to welcoming in your life makes those connections easier to nurture, be excited about, and feel more fulfilling.
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