G&STC's Director, Therapist, and Therapist in Training Talk with MindBodyGreen about 24 Ways To Actually Support LGBTQ+ People In 2020

CHECK OUT G&STC DIRECTOR, JESSE KAHN, THERAPIST, SYMONNE KENNEDY, AND THERAPIST IN TRAINING, SULA MALINA, TALK WITH KELLY GONSALVES AT MINDBODYGREEN ABOUT 24 WAYS TO ACTUALLY SUPPORT LGBTQ+ PEOPLE IN 2020

Here are some highlights:

Do the work to educate yourself.

"Set aside some time to do your own research, and make sure you're getting your information from reputable sources—ideally from folks in the community," says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in NYC. 

"Don't be ashamed if you don't know everything already; just make sure you take the time to educate yourself. This could also include paying someone to educate you, attending workshops, reading LGBTQ+-competent books, etc."

Beyond just learning definitions, build relationships.

There's a lot of new language and new terminology popping up today that people are using to describe their gender and sexual identities. Memorizing the "right meanings" of all the words is not the point, says Sula Malina, a therapist in training at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center.

"While having a basic understanding of identities like 'gay,' 'pansexual,' and 'nonbinary' is important, these stock definitions are like a ZIP code; they give you only a general idea of someone's experience," they explain. "Every person has their own experience of 'gay,' 'pansexual,' 'nonbinary,' or any other identity. The real work is not in memorizing dictionary entries but in building trusting relationships with LGBTQ folks who will feel safe to share their experience with you."

Make a point to internalize people's genders, beyond just the language.

"If someone shares their pronouns with you, take the time not only to practice (on your own) using these pronouns in a sentence but to really see that person the way they see themselves," Malina adds. "Trans and nonbinary folks often know when you're getting the words 'right' but still not seeing them as their gender. Plus, shifting your internal understanding of a person's gender will probably make using their correct pronouns much easier!"

Donate your time and money.

Kahn adds, "Many LGBTQ+ orgs need volunteers and donations. A one-time donation is a fantastic gift. An even better gift is a recurring monthly donation so that organizations can count on your money every month and use it to continue their work."

Protect black trans women, specifically.

Black trans women are one of the most marginalized and vulnerable groups within the LGBTQ+ community, facing heightened violence, unemployment, and health disparities. True allyship thus requires specifically amplifying and supporting black trans women.

"For those with the financial means to do so, donating money to LGBTQ causes that center the needs of transgender women of color can have a major and direct impact on people's lives. While national organizations supporting the LGBTQ community do important work, money donated to these groups does not always make it to the most marginalized members of the community," Malina explains. "Do research to see which groups in your community are led by and serve trans folks of color, and contribute however you can!"

Also, don't make assumptions about every LGBTQ+ person you meet. 

"When you know or have met a person who identifies as LGBTQ+, know that you have only met one such individual," says Symonne Kennedy, LMSW, psychotherapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center. "Allies can really show support by not assuming that we all have somehow lived the same life, have the same goals, enjoy the same interests, etc. Rather than trying to assume and defend, try instead to listen and befriend, as you would with any other member of a given community."

Ditch gender stereotypes.

"No matter what culture we have grown up in, we have all been subject to the idea of gender roles. Allies can show support by making a conscious effort to unlearn the stereotypes that prescribe specific gender scripts and undermine gender expression and individualized identity formation," Kennedy explains. "It may be helpful to remember that LGBTQ+-identified individuals have grown up in the same world as everyone else and therefore may also be working to unlearn these stereotypes."

Focus on listening.

"Let marginalized communities lead the way. You are there for support, so make sure you are listening to and amplifying the voices of others. Make sure you're not just listening to your fellow allies. Allyship is based around the folks you claim to be an ally to. This means listening more than you talk in spaces, educating yourself, and promoting community leaders," says Kahn.

Never out anyone.

Just because someone has told you about their sexual orientation or gender revelations doesn't mean that it's open information. The same goes for if someone casually mentions someone else's sexual or gender identity. Don't assume the information is public unless the person in question themselves publicly states it.

"Being out is not a simple decision for a lot of folks, and this is not a choice you can make for someone else," says Kahn.

Remember that calling yourself an ally is not enough.

Kahn adds “Being an ally in an action, not a title. It’s not something you are; it’s something you do. Don’t let your allyship begin and end there. Keep growing, learning, and fighting!”