9 Myths About Masturbation Debunked
Masturbation can be so much more than a tool for getting off, and there are so many ways to explore self-pleasure.
It can help you heal, get to know yourself intimately, explore how your body feels arousal, and understand the way your body likes (and doesn't like) to be touched. And, when you know what turns you on and what gives you pleasure, you’ll be able to better communicate that with any sexual partners.
The culture of silence around pleasure and masturbation has led to many myths and misconceptions to what masturbating is all about. Here are 9 myths about masturbation debunked.
Masturbation does not count as “real” sex.
Here’s the thing: you get to decide how you define sex. Having sex with yourself is a valid and real form of exploring your sexuality. While sex is often culturally defined as penis-in-vagina penetration, sexual expression is expansive and includes many different kinds of touch — including self touch. And, as Joan Price says, “There’s nothing inferior about sex with the person who knows you best.”
Masturbation has to end in orgasm.
As with partnered sex, removing the pressure of orgasm opens up the possibility to experience the journey of pleasure. This is the same with masturbation. There are many assumptions that masturbation is done for the sole purpose of orgasm — shifting focus away from orgasm and towards pleasure opens up ways to enjoy the entire experience. There are many erogenous zones to explore, and slowing down allows you to do just that. While partnered sex can be wonderful, solo sex gives you the opportunity to slow down and enjoy pleasure for pleasure’s sake–without feeling like there’s someone waiting for you to reach a finish line.
Masturbation will ruin partnered sex for you.
Solo sex is an experience for yourself — it teaches you about your body and what gives you pleasure. What positions and techniques you like. That can enhance partnered sex. There are some things to keep in mind for safety and pleasure reasons. Most importantly, mix it up. This ensures you don't fall into a “rut” or teach your body only one way to experience pleasure and orgasm. In the moment you may prefer a quick get off, but in the long-term, using different positions, pressures, and lube amounts will help you experience pleasure and orgasms in all kinds of sex.
Masturbation is dirty.
The truth is solo sex is healthy and natural to explore. When people aren’t taught sex education, a lot of shame and guilt can be built around seeking sexual pleasure. However, studies have shown that masturbation is integral to developing a healthy sexuality. Giving yourself pleasure is an incredible act of self love — since people of all genders are more likely to experience orgasm when masturbating, you get to experience the loving physical and mental health benefits. And when you have taken time to explore what you like and don’t like, it is easier to communicate it to any potential partners–meaning solo sex will actually help you have healthier, more fulfilling sex with others.
Masturbation is only for when you aren’t having partnered sex.
Masturbation can be a tool for fun self-exploration anytime — whether you have a partner(s) or are single. Considering masturbation as “second best” to sex with partners would be a disservice to your body. The most important and longest sexual relationship you will have is with yourself — nurturing that is valuable. It can inform partnered sex but doing one doesn't mean you have to do the other.
You can become too attached to a vibrator during masturbation.
If you find pleasure in using your vibrator — there is no shame in that! Some people, especially those with a vulva, have a hard time experiencing orgasm during partnered sex so if you’ve realized through masturbation that a vibrator is your prefered way to orgasm, it is okay to integrate that into play with your partner(s). One thing to be mindful of is that our bodies want to automate processes to simplify. If you are using the same vibrator, in the same position, over time your body will strengthen that pathway to orgasm and reduce recognizing other forms of pleasure. Variety is important, even if you have a preferred toy — try different positions, lubes, or vibration patterns.
Masturbation will cause health problems.
There are many myths about the health problems masturbation can cause — including blindness, growing hair on your hands, erectile dysfunction, or infertility. These myths are rooted in sexual shame, and are intended to discourage people from exploring and owning their own sexual autonomy–and none of them have any scientific truth. Solo sex is in fact the safest sex you can have, because it is with yourself.
If you masturbate while in a relationship, something is wrong with the relationship.
People masturbate when they are single or in relationships with others. Masturbation while in a relationship is not an indication of an unhealthy or healthy connection. In fact, it can be extremely sensual and informative to mutually masturbate. This is when both people masturbate in front of one another — by watching your partner, you get firsthand information on how they like to receive touch and pleasure.
If your partner is masturbating, that means you aren’t enough.
Similar to the myth above, people masturbate for a plethora of reasons — as an aid to fall asleep, to de-stress, for pleasure, or for sexual healing, just to name a few. People have different levels of sexual desire, it is completely healthy if that includes solo sex. You can have a conversation with your partner about how you both feel about masturbation and if you prefer it to be done in private or a shared experience on occasion. Opening up the dialogue through curiosity demystifies these intense feelings around masturbation.
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