G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks with Gabrielle Kassel at Folx Health about the Basics of Queer Family Building
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Folx Health about the basics of queer family building.
At its most distilled, family is community. Specifically, it’s a community that gives you a safe space to learn, get perspective, explore what you’re feeling, and seek out advice, according to Jesse Kahn, L.C.S.W., C.S.T., director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in NYC.
Take inventory of the people already in your life
Public service announcement: You don’t have to start from scratch! “Identify the relationships within your life that already make you feel good, and nurture them,” says Kahn. Heck, even if the relationship doesn’t necessarily feel good but brings you a sense of growth, community, and/or brings you to a broader community, you may choose to nurture it to keep yourself connected.
Of course, while having your own kids is certainly an option— either via one of these queer fertility methods, or fostering or adoption— it is not the only option. “There are many important roles you can play in a family and a [queer] community without having your own kids,” says Kahn.
More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this topic:
Having strong intergenerational relationships is essential for the health of any community. It's how history and knowledge are passed down and culture is carried on. It's also important for queer people to see themselves grow old. There is a huge lack of elderly queer representation, so it can be hard for young queer people to imagine themselves growing old.
Having a community to turn to when your traditional "home" doesn't feel safe or welcoming is an important key to a support system. It gives us a space to find safe people and communities to explore what we’re feeling and to learn, get perspective, and advice from people with similar lived experiences. Without that, sometimes the option is feeling isolated with a very limited number of people to turn to.
There are many important roles you can play in a family and a community without having your own kids. Having intimate and supportive friendships is another way to build a family. You can be a chosen aunt, uncle, auncle, unty, or untie to the children in your friends’ lives. You can be an active member of your community. You don't have to be related legally or by blood to be an important part of a family, it's just about identifying those relationships within your life and nurturing them.