Communication Power Hour
Communication looks different throughout every relationship we have across our lives. Some of us have busy schedules that make consistent dialogues difficult or find that unstructured conversations can often get off track. Maybe you find yourself not knowing how to approach difficult topics with others or are looking for a consistent way to check in with those you care about. Most often the emphasis in relationships is always placed on open and honest communication but that can be difficult to achieve when you don’t know how to structure those conversations.
This is where a time for a power hour could come in handy!
A power hour is a designated time for you and another person (or group of people) to get together and check in with one another. Inspired by more traditional relationship check-in exercises, the power hour is also meant to extend to roommates, friendships, and other types of interpersonal relationships you have in your life. The outline of a power hour is an hour or less (try to commit at least 30 minutes) of time devoted once a week or bi-weekly sit-downs to facilitate a more defined open dialogue.
Tips for your first power hour:
Set the time to have power hour in advance.
Preferably the same time/day of the week. Ideally, you want to be relaxed, present, and in good spirits, so don’t schedule a power hour after a long day at work, or right before you need to rush out the door. You want to bring your best to these meetings
Set the Scene
Grab some water, get comfortable, make the power hour feel down to earth, and have it in a place that feels good for both of you.
Think of some discussion guidelines
Turn taking, Saying things in good faith and expecting good faith, avoiding blame, listening actively, etc. come up with some guidelines that will work for you and your communication styles.
Celebrate & Appreciate
Acknowledge what feels good and what is working for you both in both this past week and in general .
Choose an Action
Let your conversations inspire action within your relationship and decide what action feels appropriate for you each/all to work on.
Finish on a High
Give a compliment, and have a high five! Even if things get a little tense or something feels unresolved, find a way to come back to each other and your belief in each other. Not everything can be resolved overnight but it's important to be able to be present with each other.
Asking for a Power Hour
"We need to talk"
Hearing those words usually makes someone think of the worst-case scenario, so try to keep it as light as possible. Understand that power hour is also a time that is meant to be used for good faith exploration and maintenance. Letting the other person(s) know and be informed of wanting to have a power hour is to respect their choice to accept or deny.
Some Power Hour Questions to Help Get You Started!
What are we celebrating for each other and us?
Is there anything we’d like to be acknowledged or appreciated for?
Are we on the same page? Expectations, boundaries, division of labor, etc.?
Do we feel supported? Is there anything we can do to better support each other?
How can I best understand where your coming from? How can you best share where you're coming from?
How do we equally divide household responsibilities (chores, cooking, labor) that feel equal and accommodate our schedules?
*Note: it can be especially helpful throughout the week(s) to write down or remember something you’d like to bring into power hour that can help address what you’d like to talk about.
Tender Points
Talking about everything all at once
We might feel a sense of urgency or heightened emotions at the things that are being discussed and it is easy to "fall down the rabbit hole". Try to introduce topics one at a time and give them their proper acknowledgment.
When to End
Sometimes one power hour isn't always it. Try to ground yourself and stay present but know when the conversation becomes unproductive or triggering. Another power hour can always be had but power hour must facilitate a safe dialogue.
Stick to an Hour Max
It can be easy to continuously have conversations about certain topics but this can often lead to exhaustion and power hour becoming a "hashing out" session. Be mindful of the time and know when to step back.
Don't Criticize
This is not an opportunity to criticize someone or point out all their flaws. If you have complaints you want to raise, get clear on what it is you want, and frame it as a request, rather than an attack.
Be Mindful of Substances
Power hour can be best utilized when both parties are sober. While it may be tempting to use substances as a way to open up please be aware of how this affects the quality of the communication and understanding of all parties.
Have Fun!
Power hour doesn't have to be sitting across from each other making deliberate eye contact. Feel free to use power hour while you're doing joint activities like making art, cooking, or anything that won't be distracting or detouring from the conversation. There may be times when your check-ins get a little serious, and that’s OK. But overall, you want this to be a time when you come together, connect, and celebrate each other.
Wherever you and others are at in your relationship, power hours can be a consistent way to touch base and stay connected with one another. The end goal is always to help you and the ones you care about to stay seen and heard during the many ups and downs life can bring. Power hours are just another tool in your pocket to help you and others stay connected to each other.
BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BY THERAPIST IN TRAINING DUNCAN RICHARDS FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES PLEASE CONTACT US.