Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Health Central about what it’s like to have IBS as an LGBTQ+ person
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Health Central about what it’s like to have IBS as an LGBTQ+ person.
LGBTQ+ folks deserve competent care
“‘It is crucial for LGBTQ+ individuals to have LGBTQ+ competent health care,’ says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, a queer sex therapist and director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. Providers who understand the unique health needs of LGBTQ+ patients are able to offer an affirming care environment, and are less likely to discriminate, enact microaggressions, or misunderstand a patient’s needs.
For patients, knowing that their provider is LGBTQ+ competent fosters trust, improves communication—which is paramount in receiving quality care—and ultimately leads to better health outcomes and overall well-being, says Kahn. Plus, it decreases the likelihood that the patient will spend their appointment educating their provider, rather than actually receiving care. At the same time, that provider needs to be skilled at talking about unique concerns that might impact people with IBD.”
Coming out to your provider
“Shockingly, just 14% of gastroenterologists routinely inquire about the sexuality, sex practices, and sexual health of their IBD patients, according to a research published in The American Journal of Gastroenterology. If your provider doesn’t ask and you feel safe doing so, Kahn recommends coming out to your provider. Exactly how and when you do this will vary based on your personal comfort level as well as how long you’ve been working with this provider, they say. One option is to call ahead of your next appointment and ask the receptionist to relay the information on your behalf. Another approach is to request a conversation with the doctor at the beginning of your appointment, prior to getting undressed.”
It’s still possible to have great sex
“For many LGBTQ+ folks, having sex is one of the ways they celebrate their queer identity and history, says Kahn. As such, it is crucial for both the physical and emotional well-being that LGBTQ+ people living with IBD have ways to engage sexually that are both identity-affirming and body safe, they say. Finding these ways will likely require a little bit of creativity on the behalf of the patient and their partner(s), as well as guidance from a queer-informed provider.”
“During flare-ups, IBD can cause symptoms like diarrhea, anal bleeding, and abdominal pain, which may make sex sound as enjoyable as a pride parade without a good speaker system. However, there are still ways to safely explore pleasure and intimacy during this time, says Kahn. These could include anything from kissing and front-genital stimulation, to cuddling and external massage.”
More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this topic:
Providers who aren’t LGBTQ+ competent compromise care
Having a healthcare provider who enacts microaggressions or overt discrimination induces feelings of shame that can exacerbate existing mental health struggles and contribute to a sense of invalidation or invisibility. It deeply undermines the therapeutic relationship and discourages open communication, hindering the patient's ability to receive the care they’re needing. Microaggressive providers may reinforce shame, stigma and reluctance or avoidance to engage with health services, perpetuating health disparities.
A queer-informed approach
A queer-informed approach, at its core, provides a supportive and understanding environment where individuals can openly discuss their unique needs and preferences without fear of judgment or shame, fostering a sense of agency and empowerment in their sexual journey.
Talking to partners about IBD
When sharing your IBD to potential partners, it's important to approach the conversation with honesty, clarity, and confidence. Here are some tips:
Be mindful about the timing and setting: choose a time and private location where everyone feels comfortable, ensuring everyone is available for the conversation and there's enough time for a meaningful conversation without distractions.
Be honest and direct: Approach the topic with honesty, clearly explaining what IBD is, how it impacts you, and any specific concerns or limitations it may pose in your life (that’s relevant to share) and relationship.
Provide education: Offer educational information and/or personal insights about IBD to help them better understand what having IBD is like for you, its symptoms, and how it impacts your daily life and activities.
Encourage open communication: Aim to co-create a space and conversation where your partner(s) can ask questions and express their thoughts or concerns, and where you can name and explain your needs with regard to IBD.
These steps will support you in fostering an open conversation and mutual understanding which has the potential to strengthen your connection!