G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talks with Gabrielle Kassel at Healthline About Why LGBTQIA+ People Experience 2 Kinds of Adolescence
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Healthline about what a second queer adolescence is, the joys and lows of it, as well as how to embrace your personal timeline.
Why queer people can’t be themselves the ‘first time around’?
The short answer: all the -isms and -phobias.
“Homophobic and heteronormative, transphobic, and cisnormative narratives, as well as governmental policies and cultural norms in religion, families, schools, social spaces, laws, and various other institutions, all contribute to people suppressing or fearing their sexualities and sexual orientations,” says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City.
Lack of media representation is a factor here, too
Your age may affect just how much (or how little) LGBTQIA+ representation you witnessed in movies and TV shows growing up.
In 2009, queer characters were present in some way, shape, or form in just 3 percent of all regular characters in scripted series airing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and NBC.
But they were present in 22 — that’s 18.6 percent — of 118 films produced by major studios in 2019.
In other words, the younger you are, the more queer representation you may have had.
But for most people reading this, there was a significant lack of LGBTQIA+ representation in the media they consumed growing up, says Kahn.
“And a lack of queer representation in the media contributes to shame,” he says.
The idea that there are milestones you can be ahead of or behind is BS
“There’s not one right path, nor one linear path, to being open and living openly in your queerness,” Kahn says.
Nor is there one right path for your relationship(s) to take, if you choose to enter any.
However, toxic monogamy — the cultural belief that happy, healthy relationships all look the same — contributes to the idea that there is.
Ask for help if you need it
“If you’re struggling to embrace your sexuality but want to feel more at home in your sexuality, consider what beliefs are inhibiting you,” Kahn says.
PSA: Second queer adolescence does *not* give you a free pass
So, as Kahn puts it, “it’s important to remember that while you may be in a second adolescence, you’re not actually an adolescent, so the consequences of your choices and behaviors will be adult consequences.”
MORE FROM G&STC DIRECTOR JESSE KAHN ON THIS TOPIC
A queer second adolescence speaks to experiencing a lot of “firsts” as a queer person later in life that are commonly associated with adolescence.
If you’re struggling to embrace your sexuality, but want to feel more at home in your sexuality, consider what beliefs are inhibiting you. It can take work to unlearn our internalized homophobia and transphobia and it’s important to reflect on, unlearn and challenge what beliefs are still thriving inside of you.