G&STC Director Jesse Talks Managing Sex + Gender Dysphoria While Masturbating in Rich Juzwiak’s Sex Advice Column How to Do It
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn’s advice on managing gender + body dysphoria while masturbating featured in this installment of Rich Juzwiak’s sex advice column.
Your reluctance to discuss sex with your therapist may signal that he isn’t the right person with whom to talk about that stuff. It doesn’t mean that no one is. There could be another therapist out there who could help fill that role.
The reason I’m leaning so hard on my horn here is, in the emailed words of Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York: “Since gender dysphoria is different for everyone, having a therapist who can navigate and talk about your specific experience would be particularly helpful.” I can only do so much in an advice column; someone who can work with you on an ongoing basis, attending to your particular situation and dysphoria would be ideal. Kahn recommends “speaking with a sex therapist and a therapist specifically comfortable, experienced, and competent in talking about the intersections of sex and gender dysphoria” (as an example, the G&STC, where Kahn works, caters to people of all gender identities while offering sex therapy). You are young, and since therapy is something that you are amenable to, it is well in your interest to find someone who can help you on your journey.
In the meantime, Kahn offers two additional suggestions. The first is using toys, which contrary to your suggestion, may in fact help. “If engaging with your hand can be triggering or disrupt your experience of pleasure, try a toy. Sometimes this space between parts of our body can allow us to stay connected to the feelings in our body, our pleasure and our fantasies without getting pulled out due to the impact of dysphoria,” wrote Kahn. Their other suggestion is mindfulness. “Try mindfulness and grounding techniques so that you can stay connected to your fantasies and pleasure and help mediate the impact of intrusive thoughts linked to gender dysphoria,” they wrote.
Above all else, be patient. “Take the time to figure out what feels good and what allows you to stay connected and in your fantasies and pleasure while also giving you the experience you’re wanting,” wrote Kahn. It’s good advice in just about any context of sexual difficulty, but particularly important here. Good luck!