G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn + Therapist Brian Ackerman Talks with Gabrielle Kassel at Healthline about Dating tips for Gay, Bisexual, and Pansexual Men.
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn and therapist Brian Ackerman talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Healthline about dating tips for gay, bisexual, and pansexual men.
“It’s helpful to know what you’re looking for as you go into dating,” says Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, CST, the director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City.
Some questions to ask yourself:
What is my preferred relationship structure? What is my relationship orientation?What level of commitment, time, and energy am I willing to bring into this dynamic right now?What are my current priorities?Do my goals and dreams involve another person or other people? To what extent or degree am I willing to work toward that right now?
It can also be helpful to understand what feels negotiable vs. nonnegotiable in a partner.
“When you’re able to identify what’s negotiable and nonnegotiable, you can continue to be flexible and allow what you’re looking for to evolve and be more specific to the relationship — while staying connected to your wants and needs,” they say.
Here are some prompts that may help you figure out your negotiables and nonnegotiables:
Close your eyes and visualize where you see your life in 5 years. What do you see?
Make a list of your own firm values
If you could abracadabra your dream self into being, what would you be like?
If you could abracadabra your dream partner(s) into being, what would they be like?
Often, people only date people within a specific ‘type,’ which keeps them from exploring a wider variety of partners and relationship dynamics, says Brian Ackerman, a psychotherapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City.
“By dating just one type of person, you limit the range of insights you can gather about yourself, your needs, and the desired characteristics in prospective partners,” he says. Plus, “you don’t know what you don’t know.”