9 Myths About Cuckolding
If you’ve heard the term “cuck” on social media lately, it was likely used as an emasculating slur hurled by the rightwing. However, before the conservatives got their hands on the term, “cuck” referred to someone who enjoys what is known as “cuckolding.”
Speaking in very traditional and gendered terms, this common fetish involves a cisgender man (the “cuck”) who enjoys and is aroused by watching another cisgender man (typically one more masculine than he is) have sex with his wife. This second man is called the “bull” in such fantasies. In this fantasy, the wife (often referred to as the “hotwife”) loves finally having some good sex and can’t get enough of the “bull’s” big cock. The “cuck” is probably tied up in the corner, and if he’s lucky, his “hotwife” will let him jerk off later, after the “bull” is gone.
Yep - it’s a hot kink.
Cuckolding is wrought with beautiful consensual power exchange, erotic humiliation, and sometimes even group sex. But it’s certainly not limited to married straight couples and their “muscled dragon” (the masc equivalent of a “unicorn”). But none of the “roles'' within the cuckolding fantasy are exclusive to any one gender. While we may use gendered terms at times, our point of view is always from a fluid perspective.
So, with that said, here are some myths about cuckolding:
Only cis men are cucks.
Any gender can be a cuck, and so can any orientation. If the cuck is a woman, she is sometimes referred to as a cuckquean or cuckoldress. However, there are many non-binary cucks, genderfluid cucks, boy cucks, girls cucks, and trans cucks. With consent and enthusiasm, anyone can be a cuck.
The bull is always a man.
As noted, the “bull” refers to the person who comes over and has sex with the wife. Frequently–especially in mainstream pornography–the bull is depicted as a big, studly cis man and considered more masculine than the cuck. He swoops in, humiliates the husband by having his way with the wife and giving her a dozen orgasms while he’s at it. While this specific scenario may very well be a fantasy for people, the bull can be any gender under the sun.
The cuck is deceived.
Traditional uses of the word cuck, which date back to 1250, often insinuate that the husband has no idea that his wife is cheating on him. The whole village laughs as he raises babies that aren’t even his own! These days, we have a bit more modern understanding of the term. For cuckolding, and any roleplay or kink scene at that, everyone involved must practice enthusiastic consent, so no actual deception occurs (no matter what fantasy is being played out).
The couple needs to be married.
Perhaps centuries ago, cuckolding was something that only married people did, but today, you can enjoy the kink with someone you’re dating, living with, or a good friend who happens to make a great play partner.
Anything goes.
While in pornography, a cuckolding scene may be wild and rampant, remember that it’s all scripted (and even rehearsed). In real life, there are a lot of aspects to sex that don’t get included in porn. Things like discussing consent, STI status, aftercare, and both hard and soft boundaries, must be addressed ahead of time.
Soft boundaries are things that you are curious about and perhaps eventually open to, but not necessarily right now. For instance, the hotwife may be open to anal penetration but not ready to jump into that the first time the fantasy is played out.
Hard boundaries are things you do not want. For example, a hard boundary may be that penatrative sex only occurs when a barrier, such as a condom, is used.
Anything greenlight is good to go. For example, the bull may want to hang out afterward, even if the roleplay scene has him “leaving” right after sex. Before engaging in a cuckolding scene, or any roleplay or kink scene, discuss boundaries and consent ahead of time.
Cuckolding is emasculating.
Okay, yes, the cuck may feel emasculated, humiliated, and deceived, and oh so turned on because he orchestrated and consented to the whole thing.
Only the bull and the hotwife get to have sex.
In your textbook cuckolding scenes, the bull comes in, has sex with the hotwife, and if the cuck husband is lucky, he can watch. However, today, plenty of people of all orientations, genders, and relationship formats not only watch their partner have sex with someone else but get off having sex with them right after the other is finished. This gives the cuckolded partner an opportunity to participate more directly, and have fun with things like dirty talk and any degredation fantasies they may be able to play out while having sex with their partner(s) just after they’ve finished with someone else.
The scene ends when the sex ends.
Cuckolding is an intense experience. That’s why people do it! When the scene is over, the intimacy is just beginning. It can be an exceptionally emotionally exhausting experience to bring in a new person to the bedroom. Things are intensified when erotic humiliation and degradation are involved–so plan for a lot of aftercare. Hang out after the scene is over. Ask what all parties need. This may range from a nice snack to lots of snuggles.
You have to jump straight into a cuckolding scene to experience the fantasy.
Going through with a cuckolding fantasy is the last step on the list. If the idea turns you on, start watching, listening to and/or reading porn and erotica (knowing that what you see isn’t the same as real life). Porn and erotica are a ways to explore your desires and see what fantasies turn you on! Next, you can add dirty talk into the mix. Try talking about a cuckolding scene with your partner(s) during sex and see how it goes. Remember, inviting someone new into your bedroom, especially when humiliation is involved, no matter how erotic, is a big deal. It’s okay to take baby steps.
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