G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn and Therapist James Vining talk with Gabrielle Kassel at HuffPost About How to Ask About Pronouns in the Workplace
Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn and therapist James Vining talk with Gabrielle Kassel at HuffPost about how to ask about pronouns in the workplace, and helping trans, nonbinary and nonconforming co-workers feel accepted and respected.
Bring up your pronouns ― but don’t prod someone else to do the same.
Feel free to casually share your name and pronouns in those early in-person conversations, but don’t create a situation where your new co-worker feels pressured to do so.
“It becomes complicated when you take into consideration that not everyone feels in a good place with their pronoun options or their process with their pronouns,” said Jesse Kahn, a sex therapist and director at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. “Also, sometimes it can feel like being outed and can cause a lot of anxiety.”
If you’re in the dark, don’t forget, you can always just call someone by their name. Easy peasy.
Don’t ask someone about their “preferred” pronouns.
Be mindful of your word choices. A person’s pronouns aren’t “preferred” ― they’re just the right pronouns that should always be used, said James Vining, a psychotherapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center.
“Pronouns aren’t a taste test or musical genre. It’s a symbol of your identity,” he said. “You wouldn’t ask someone to identify you as the name they prefer; you expect them to use the name you’ve shared with them. For instance, if someone introduces themselves as Terry, it wouldn’t be appropriate or respectful to say, ‘So, Terence is cool, right?’”
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It’s generally useful to introduce yourself with your name and pronouns, and then allow people to give their pronouns or not.
It’s also important to weave in and affirm that all genders are welcome into the culture and office place. That could include education during orientation, trans-inclusive healthcare, pronouns in email signatures, offering pronouns when meeting, using correct pronouns for your coworkers, correcting others when they use incorrect pronouns, and ensuring that your hiring practices are reflective of the inclusive team you’re aiming to create.
It’s important to do your own research rather than asking your coworkers’ intrusive questions and allow microaggressions or overt discrimination to thrive.
It’s important that the workplace environment you’re creating is actually affirming and welcoming to trans and nonbinary people if you want to hire and retain trans and non-binary staff.