Sex in the Time of Coronavirus

With the spread of coronavirus, the CDC has officially begun recommending social distancing in order to prevent further spread of the virus from person to person. 

What’s social distancing?

The CDC defines it as “remaining out of congregate settings, avoiding mass gatherings, and maintaining distance (approximately 6 feet or 2 meters) from others when possible.”

Basically: stay out of big crowds, reschedule big events, and keep space between you and others who may be sick, or are immunocompromised. 

Due to these preventative measures, lots of people are looking at a few weeks of working from home, missing social events, and staying indoors. This could make anyone feel anxious, restless, irritable, and/or depressed Additionally, feeling isolated may be very familiar to us queer and trans folks who spent years closeted, isolated, and hiding who we are. 

There are lots of articles making the rounds on how to manage working from home (i.e-create a schedule, try to create separate spaces for work, stay connected to movement practices), staying connected while home and social distancing (i.e-participate online, video chat with your friends and family), but a topic less talked about is the effects on our dating & sex lives. 

With large social gatherings being canceled or rescheduled, social distancing being encouraged and quarantines going into effect, does that mean our sexual exploration and play is on lockdown too?

Our answer is a resounding no. While you might have to think outside of the box a little, this can be an opportunity for you to connect, ignite, or just dive deeper into your sexuality–either with a partner, partners or on your own. Below we’ve listed our top tips for things to try.

Things to Try with a Partner: 

Make a Yes/No/Maybe List: 

If being stuck in your home sounds super boring, then it’s a great time to let your imagination run wild. You might not be able to try everything you think of, but you can talk about it with your partner(s)! (And just talking about it can be pretty hot, too.) Think, “if I could do anything, right now, what would it be?” and ask your partner(s) to do the same! Make a list of things you come up with and come back together to compare what’s on both of your lists. Then go through them both and decide what is a yes, what is a hard no, and what is a maybe. Then you have a pre-made, agreed upon list of new things to choose from!

Talk About Fantasies: 

Similar to the above, this can be a great time to explore your & your partner’s fantasies. Maybe there are things you know you don’t want to try, but you can’t help but think they’re sexy when you imagine them. Describe them to your partner (or have your partner describe them to you). Talk about them as though you’re doing them (ex, “then I would X,”). Ask them if they like the idea, ask them what it makes them think of. You might be surprised how much you enjoy just talking about fantasies without even needing to put them into action!  

Watch Porn Together: 

Do you know what kind of porn your partner enjoys? Do they know what kind you like? Take some time to explore each other’s fantasies and porn interests. Pick out ones that your partner finds hot and watch them together. Ask them what they like about it. Ask them how they imagine themselves in it (or how they imagine you in it). Do the same for yourself. 

Try Out A New Sex Toy (Or Try a Sex Toy in A New Way): 

Boredom is the mother of invention! Do you have toys that don’t get a lot of action? Maybe you’ve never felt the need to introduce them when you’re with your partner. Bring them out to play! If you usually only use toys while masturbating, see how you can shift how you use them to make a satisfying partner experience. Ask your partner(s) their thoughts on using toys–maybe they’ve thought of something you haven’t! 

Expand Intimate Experiences Outside of the Bedroom: 

Being at home can also be an opportunity to explore new forms of intimacy with your partner. This can mean exploring kink play and sex in different parts of your home and other ways to strengthen your connection in non-sexual ways! Pick something that seems a little boring, and see how you can make it a partnered activity. Curl up on a couch and read out loud to your partner. Pick a recipe from a cookbook you’ve been ignoring and make it together. Set aside a block of time where you turn off all phones and devices and find new ways to entertain and play with each other. 

Things to Try Solo: 

Get Chatty: 

If you don’t usually get verbal while masturbating, add in some dialogue! Tell yourself what you like, how you like it, how your body is responding. Talk as though a partner is there with you. Moan and sigh, and see how much fun it can be to get a little noisy on your own! 

Try Getting Off In a New Way: 

You know your body better than anyone, which probably means you’ve figured out the best way to get yourself off. And if you’ve figured that out, then it might be one of the only things you do in solo play! Give yourself a chance to explore something new. If you usually use a vibrator to self pleasure, have a night where you’re hands-only, explore anal play or using a dildo. Even if you don’t orgasm in a new way, you’ll find more ways to experience pleasure and play in your own body that you can use moving forward!  

Use a Toy on Other Parts of Your Body: 

Use your vibrator, but only on places you usually ignore. How does it feel on your chest, or your stomach, or your legs? Try out different areas of your body that you don’t think are erogenous zones, and find new places that feel good!

Add a Little Kink: 

Kink play doesn’t have to be reserved to partner play. If you’re curious about how a blindfold will heighten your sensations, blindfold yourself! Tie yourself up, play with a feather or some wax! (Just make sure you have done your research and are practicing safe kink.)

Spend More Time Naked: 

You don’t even have to get sexy with yourself. Just like with a partner, there are ways you can expand intimacy with yourself! If you’re at home alone, why not walk around naked? Read a book naked, prepare a meal naked, do some yoga naked. Spend time getting comfortable in and connecting to your body without being on display for someone else. See how it feels just being naked for an extended period of time. 

Blog authors all hold positions at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center (G&STC). For more information about our therapists and services please contact us.