10 Must Read Blogs for Cisgender Allies
It’s not an easy time to be trans in America. 2024 is on track to be one of the worst years in American history for anti-trans legislation–which means compassionate and effective allies are more important than ever for queer folks.
We’ve written a lot about what it means to be a trans ally here on our blog–view this guide as your allyship starting point. Dive into the areas of allyship you might not have realized need attention, and use the questions they bring up for you to help motivate you into learning and acting more.
If allyship is new to you…
When thinking about the topic of pronouns as a whole, it is important to check assumptions at the door. While you might have previously heard of people who are non-binary or genderqueer using they/them pronouns, pronouns are not necessarily an indicator of someone’s identity. Instead, selecting pronouns is a personal decision each person gets to make based on what feels most comfortable and affirming for them.
Here’s a brief guide to they/them pronouns.
Many of us are familiar with the terms cisgender (a person whose gender is that which they were assigned at birth) and transgender (a person who identifies as a gender different than the one they were assigned at birth; an umbrella term that encompasses many gender expressions) but other terms like nonbinary are still new and confusing for some people.
So, what does it mean to be nonbinary?
Inclusive terminology goes far beyond pronouns. Think about what it is you’re asking them–does gender need to be specified at all? If you ask yourself to reflect on this regularly, it will help you to remove that association of a particular gender with a relationship. You don’t know anyone’s gender or sexuality, and it’s often even easier and more efficient to communicate with gender neutral language until you know the gender or pronouns of the person you’re referring to specifically. For example, rather than open a lecture by saying, "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen," consider opting for "students." Likewise, rather than ask about someone's assumed "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," you can always use the gender-neutral term "partner." or “spouse.” If you're related to someone TGNC, opt for "child" over "son/daughter" or "sibling" rather than "brother/sister."
How can your allyship for TGNC folks expand beyond respecting pronouns?
If you’re an ally looking to learn more about trans lived experiences…
It is Thursday afternoon and I am on the subway. The car bustles, packed with every type of exhausted face the New York City metropolitan area has to offer in the dead of winter after a long day’s work. I am sandwiched from all sides, trying to clutch the railing for support as I watch a young man scroll through Instagram only to hover over a post: Utah bans healthcare for transgender youth. I adjust myself, very aware of the stubble I missed shaving on my face today, catching on the edge of my dress’s collar. I shift my curled shoulders under my jacket, bracing for some sort of imaginary shock. It’s not who's on the subway, it’s who could be on the subway my brain tells me.
Read more about Trans Survival Mode here.
To have an ideal that is not only constantly changing but also incredibly narrow, leaves many feeling like a failed woman. Being a “failed woman” is both a description of an experience and a moral judgment made by society. The experience of a “failed woman” implies that we are all starting from the same place on equal footing to meet the established requirements, yet in reality, every single person may have their own unique experience trying to express womanhood that intersects with their race, ability, class, gender expression, etc.
Read more about the “Failed” Woman: The Unattainable Gender Ideal here
If you’re an ally in the healthcare field…
When we speak about transness, we are also inherently speaking about bodies. Trans people deserve access to care that not only acknowledges that, but works to legitimize and destigmatize bodies that don’t fit in with the norm. The HAES model makes room for marginalized bodies, and while HAES focuses on weight and body size, there is a distinct overlap in conversations about fatphobia and transphobia, especially for individuals that are fat and trans.
That’s why Trans Care Must Take a “Health at Every Size” (HAES) Approach
Finding a welcoming & inclusive therapy environment can be a difficult process, but for queer folks there is an added challenge. Not only do queer folks need to find a provider who can best serve and support them, they also have the added stress of finding a therapist who is familiar with queer and trans issues & educated on inclusivity.
If you’re looking to be a safe & inclusive space for your queer and trans clients, here are six tips you can use in your practice to make sure your environment is affirming.
If you’re a parent looking to make space for your trans child…
Before delving into what Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is, it’s important to lay out what it is not. ROGD is not a mental health diagnosis, nor is it a subset of Gender Dysphoria as it exists in the DSM 5. In fact, it is an idea that has not been proven to exist at all. Dr. Lisa Littman, a physician, coined this term in her 2018 study to describe “sudden” gender dysphoria beginning during or after puberty in a teen or young adult. ROGD has been used to question the validity of youth coming out as trans if they had not experienced documented dysphoria as young children and describes trans identity as a social contagion. Because of the traction this idea has gained among a wide array of anti-trans circles and the harm it is capable of causing, it is important to deconstruct ROGD and re-center the voices of trans youth themselves.
What is “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria,” and what does it have to do with my trans child?
If you’re dating someone trans…
When someone comes out as transgender, the response from loved ones is incredibly valuable. These responses will have a deep emotional impact whether or not the person feels supported and loved by their friends, family, partner(s), and community.
All relationships go through changes and transitions. This opportunity to provide support and love to your newly out partner is no different. It will have growth edges, a learning curve, and new discoveries along the way.
There are many different ways in which you can support your newly out trans partner.
Feeling attracted to a transgender person is a natural and common part of sexuality no matter your identity. But due to widespread transphobia catching waves across our culture, there are a lot of destructive myths about being trans and some big questions about being in a relationship with someone who is transgender. This cultural transphobia exists within us all–even people attracted to or in relationship with trans people. It’s yet another symptom of white supremacist culture shaping our internal biases, which is why it’s important to consider those biases before entering into relationships with vulnerable people. And remember, an LGBTQIA+ friendly sex therapist is a great tool to help you explore and unpack your attraction and what your sexuality means for you.
Here are 6 common questions that come up when dating someone trans.
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