Honoring Transgender Day of Remembrance
“The Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people — sometimes in the most brutal ways possible — it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice.” — Gwendolyn Ann Smith
The history behind TDoR.
In 1999 Gwendolyn Ann Smith founded Transgender Day of Remembrance to honor Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was killed in Boston. Smith read of the outrage within the Boston TGNC community over how Hester was continually misgendered by the media after her death. Sparking national attention with her “Remembering Our Dead” project, Smith chronicled the stories of TGNC people experiencing violence. From this came the first vigil to honor Hester’s life along with other trans people lost to senseless violence. This began the decades-long tradition of remembering those we have lost every year. TDoR is often accompanied by a list of the names of trans people to honor at candlelight vigils.
“The Transgender Day of Remembrance is not an event for fundraisers and beer busts,” Smith writes in a HuffPost article. “It’s not an event we ‘celebrate.’ It is not a quick and easy one-day way for organizations to get credit for their support of the transgender community. It’s not something to trot out on the 20th of November and forget about. We should be working every day for all of us, living and dead.”
Honoring those who have passed.
When you read the list of those we have lost to senseless violence this past year, allow their names to linger on your lips. Read stories from their friends and community members about what they were passionate about, how they adorned themselves, or their favorite music. Don’t allow their names to become only read aloud as a statistic of transphobic hatred. Speak their names loudly so people remember or softly to yourself to hold their memory with tenderness. Honoring those we have lost is an act of commitment to protecting all TGNC people — the mothers, the immigrants, the children, the sex workers, the unhoused, the BIPoC, the disabled.
TDoR is just one day of that lifelong commitment to ensuring the future we build leaves no one behind. That assurance manifests through changing policy, community care, harm reduction strategies and therapeutic support.
Paving the way forward.
Many TGNC organizers have vocalized their concern with TDoR becoming the primary focus of cisgender allies. While there is deep importance in honoring those who have passed, advocacy and organizing are needed to protect transgender people from violence before it has happened. The phrases “give us flowers while we’re still alive” and “mourn the dead and fight for the living” are often used to lament this message. It is vital to remember that the history of this day expands beyond simply listing names, it is about honoring the legacy TGNC people have paved for a future the honors queer and trans joy and longevity.
Organizations like Plume, House of Tulip, G.L.I.T.S and Trans Justice Funding Project are investing in creating conditions that allow TGNC people to not only survive but thrive, and build a sustainable future. TDoR is a reminder that social support like access to safe housing, employment free of discrimination, career coaching, universal healthcare, and immigration protections are central to the fight for trans equality.
Taking an intersectional approach to understanding TGNC issues is vital — trans people are not a monolith and support will look different for everyone.
Events for TDoR.
The Center in New York City is hosting a free virtual event open to transgender, non-conforming, family, friends, and allies.
Wednesday, November 18
6:00 - 7:30pm EST
You can also find a local LGBTQ center through CenterLink and see if they are hosting an event you can support.
Journal prompts for cisgender folks and allies:
Are you familiar with the local LGBTQ communities?
If so, how can you get involved to organize alongside them advocating for TGNC people?
If not, can you do some research to learn about the local LGBTQ center or advocacy groups?
What are the visions and calls to actions local and national trans organizers are working towards? Can you familiarize yourself with this policy, legislation, or community work further?
Do you have any family members or friends who are not as informed on TGNC identities and can you have a conversation with them?
If you have a child or family member who is LGBTQ+, how do you support them?
What does unlearning and challenging transphobia and cis supremacy look like in your life?
Journal prompts for TGNC folks:
Do you have a care plan for TDoR in case you find it triggering to read social media posts and articles about transgender people we’ve lost to violence?
Who is currently in your social support network? Can you lean on them during this time?
Are TDoR vigils a healing space for you to honor those we have lost?
If so, how can you prioritize that space this year digitally?
What brings you joy lately?
How can you lean into joy and pleasure for yourself?
How can you hold space and organize with fellow TGNC communities this year?
Journal prompts for therapists (written by G&STC supervisor Caro Rodriguez-Fucci on last year’s TDOR):
How do you honor the many faces of resilience?
How do you create a space for meaningful remembrance?
How do you facilitate a process for grieving in sessions?
Carrying your own identities, what does it look like for you to explore the intersectionality of client identities in a session?
In what ways do you create space for the often complicated feelings of loss and mourning?
BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES PLEASE CONTACT US.