Two Therapists? Unlearning Compulsory Therapeutic Monogamy

If you’ve worked with a therapist before, chances are you’ve heard from one source or another that seeing multiple mental health professionals at a time only puts you at a disadvantage. Certainly, the decision can be expensive! You might find you spend much of your time in your second session of the week repeating what you said in your first, or that you offer a more polished, less “raw” version of yourself to the second clinician. You might feel unable to fully invest in the exercises that your therapists assign when you’re overloaded by multiple assignments and different approaches. But seeing more than one therapist isn’t necessarily a “bad” or “wrong” decision, and may actually be a right way to go for your personal needs! 

I like to call this assumption “compulsory therapeutic monogamy” (think: compulsory monogamy, or compulsory heterosexuality)In other words, it’s assumed that you must see only one therapist and that they should fulfill all of your therapeutic needs. By extension, the idea is that you’re “doing it wrong” if you’re seeing more than one. But let’s question this for a moment. Take a look at a couple situations in which seeing more than one mental health provider could be a great fit:

You’re in relationship therapy with your partner(s), but want to do more individual work, too.

This can be a really fantastic set-up for growth and healing. Ethically, your relationship therapist won’t be able to work with you individually while they’re seeing you and your partner(s). Their job is to be a neutral party, and to see the relationship as the client. But while we may grow through healing work with our partner(s), some topics and areas of growth and reflection are best approached individually. Whether because they may upset or even trigger your partner(s), or simply because there isn’t room in relationship sessions for the individual deep dive that is indicated. 

You’re seeing one therapist for one specialty, and another for a different specialty.

This one can be fantastic or complicated, and its usefulness will certainly vary from person to person (and clinician to clinician). Many folks navigate mental health concerns at the intersection of multiple identities or experiences, and depending on financial or physical access to a wide variety of professionals, they may not be able to find someone who specializes in both. For example, you might be a trans person who struggles with an eating disorder, and who doesn’t have therapists in their area who focus on this particular intersection. While the best care would likely come from a clinician who deals with the unique causes and manifestations of eating disorders among trans folks, this isn’t always a feasible option. If you do go this route, remember that you deserve to work with clinicians regardless of specialty who respect and affirm your identities. An eating disorder specialist may not have extensive knowledge in trans identities, but they should be able to refer to you correctly and respectfully, and demonstrate a desire to learn (without placing the burden of education on you). 

You have a primary therapist you’ve been seeing for some time, but have a specific concern that’s beyond their wheelhouse.

Some clients come to G&STC having worked with outside therapists for several years, and they are now beginning to question or explore their gender identity. Their therapists may not be well-versed in nuanced conversation and exploration of this topic, but the clients may not feel a desire to terminate these significant relationships. In situations like these, you may benefit from connecting your therapists; your longer term clinician could fill in the newer professional on important information about you and your history, and save some of the emotional and logistical labor associated with starting a new therapeutic relationship. They can continue this relationship if you find it useful, so that your appointment time doesn’t need to be taken up by catching each therapist up. 

You feel you can benefit from the “corrective” or “reparative” experience of multiple “caregiver” or support figures working collaboratively.

Some of us have grown up in home environments in which we watched our caregivers struggle in their relationships--perhaps your parents were divorced, separated, or argued often, or perhaps you lived in a home in which abuse or domestic violence were present. Not many of us have very strong models of what teamwork and collaboration look like, whether or not there was a strong love bond between our caregivers. Seeing two separate therapists with different approaches who collaborate with one another to provide you optimal care is an opportunity for a “corrective experience”–one which can eventually overwrite the belief deeply ingrained in you that this kind of cooperation is impossible or ineffective. This can provide a feeling of warmth and nurturance that you may have missed out on in younger years, and can offer a positive example to follow if you plan to navigate the world in the future with romantic partner(s), roommates, or co-parents. 

Of course, it’s always important to assess your reasoning for seeking care from multiple therapists. Some people find that seeking support from two mental health providers is a strategy of avoidance or splitting–it might allow them to “protect themselves” by not becoming too emotionally invested or vulnerable in either relationship. If you’re already working with one therapist and are considering beginning a relationship with another for any of the reasons listed above (or any other!), it might be worth bringing up the topic with your current therapist. Together, you can unpack your motivations behind the decision as well as potential upsides and downsides, and strengthen your current therapeutic relationship through your honesty and transparency. 

BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BY G&STC THERAPIST IN TRAINING SULA MALINA. FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES PLEASE CONTACT US.