What ‘Holding Space’ Means + 5 Tips to Practice
Like many other communities, therapeutic spaces sometimes have their own language. With the boom in popularity of therapist Instagram accounts (p.s. - here’s ours!), some of these terms are crossing over into the mainstream (or at least, the mainstream in ‘wellness’ spaces). Some of the more confusing terms might be more clinical in nature, often describing diagnoses or abbreviations relevant to mental health. Others, however, are broader in scope and not just reserved for the therapy sessions. For example, consider the term “holding space” - what does that mean? What does it mean to hold space for someone, or for yourself? Instead of assuming that everyone knows what it means, we’re going to offer some insight into the phrase, including how you can make it a part of your life.
“Hold space” is a term we hear a lot in therapy spaces, but what does it actually mean?
An important part of the therapeutic environment is that it's a safe(r) space to express whatever you need. If you’ve ever participated in therapy, you may have felt a sense of comfort that comes from hearing and possibly knowing you can say whatever you need to while your therapist listens and engages. Having space where you can lean into vulnerability while having agency in that process can be a powerful thing.
“Holding space” means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone. It means putting your focus on someone to support them as they feel their feelings.
An important aspect of holding space is managing judgment while you are present. The person who is holding space helps set the tone for a kind, curious, and judgment-free interaction where the other person can be vulnerable, and like the term says “have space.”
What does holding space do?
When you hold space for someone, you create a forum where they can feel safe(r). Think of a time when you were vulnerable. What did you need at that moment? Did you need someone to give you advice and solve your problem? Did you need someone to tell you what to do or judge you? You probably just needed someone to be there for you. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is to simply be with them. Sitting with someone in loving support can help them feel seen, understood, and cared for. Advice and problem-solving can come later. Holding space can also help someone feel less alone. When you know that you can turn to the person for unconditional support, it can be very profound.
Can you hold space for yourself?
Can you be present with yourself - emotionally, physically, and mentally? If you can, then yes. It might be hard to put your focus so completely on yourself. It can be excruciating to sit with your own feelings, sensations, and thoughts and let go of judgment. One great way to practice holding space for yourself would be to start a mindfulness practice. You can learn to tune into the rhythm of your thoughts and practice letting go of any judgment a little at a time.
Holding space is something that isn’t necessarily taught to us. It can feel strange to sit with something instead of taking action, if that’s your usual approach. If you’re struggling with ways to hold space for yourself and for others, here are some things to keep in mind.
Tips for Holding Space
1. Refocus your listening
A lot of the time, when we talk to someone, our main focus is on what we’re going to say next. Doing this while trying to hold space for someone may not be very effective. To avoid this, listen carefully with the intent of understanding what they’re saying, instead of worrying on your response. Practice active listening - when they’re done, repeat back what they’ve said so you both can ensure you understood.
2. Don’t jump into problem-solving mode
When we hear someone share something difficult, our first instinct might be to try to reframe the situation or find a way to solve the problem. Neither of these is the point of holding space; the point is to be there for that person, without judgment. If you feel tempted to minimize, reframe, or solve the issue, remember that the urge doesn’t serve your purpose and transition back to active listening.
3. Don’t center yourself
We know It’s often easier to understand something when we can relate it back to ourselves. Try to resist the urge to insert yourself in the situation. There is a time and a place to talk about your experiences, but holding space isn’t it. Keep your own issues and experiences separate from this interaction so you can focus on being there for the other person.
4. Reassure them that you believe them
It can be so hard to be vulnerable with someone. While holding space for someone, it can be helpful to explicitly express that you believe them, and you believe in them. Remind them that you trust and believe their knowledge and intuition.
5. Be open to whatever emotions come up
You never know what’s going to come up when you give someone space to be vulnerable. Emotions are complicated and can be confusing or even conflicting, so instead of fighting the feelings that want to come up, encourage and allow space for the other person to let it out. Reassure them that you are there for them, no matter what comes up.
Holding space is something that seems simple, but actually takes a lot of practice and involves self and aftercare for the person holding space. Keep these tips in mind to guide you as you hold space for others and for yourself.
BLOG AUTHORS ALL HOLD POSITIONS AT THE GENDER & SEXUALITY THERAPY CENTER (G&STC). FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR THERAPISTS AND SERVICES, PLEASE CONTACT US.