G&STC's Director Talks with Allure About Polyamory & Monogamy
CHECK OUT G&STC DIRECTOR, JESSE KAHN TALK WITH ZACHARY ZANE AT ALLURE ABOUT HOW BEING IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP PREPARED ZACHARY FOR MONOGAMY
Jesse highlights a few points including:
Jesse “tells his patients struggling with polyamory to “get back to the basics of why they're nonmonogamous, what that means to them, and what they want that to mean for their lives and the lives of their partners. [This] helps clear space for what feelings and obstacles are in the way of actualizing those beliefs and desires.”’
Another important aspect of polyamory is having “compersion” for one’s partner instead of jealousy. “Compersion — the feeling of joy in someone else's joy — can be really helpful in reconciling the differences [between you and your partner’s desires],” says Kahn.
Some points Not included in the article:
Anyone considering entering into their first polyamorous relationship "should" consider why they are currently wanting to be in a non-monogamous relationship, what their boundaries and needs are, what they want the boundaries of their poly relationships to look like, and how they can communicate their needs.
Polyamory can teach us that it’s okay to be attracted to other people, communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship and primary tool in negotiating our boundaries in relationships, a variety of people can fulfill our needs and that’s great, and that it's is up to you to define your relationship(s). I've also worked with a lot of people who identify their relationships as monogamous who have conversations about what monogamy means for them and the definitions of monogamy for their relationships.
One characteristic of many poly relationships is communication and communicating through really tough emotional states - that is an important skill that can deeply impact all of our relationships, including monogamous ones.
At G&STC we don't use the term “couples therapy” to describe all the relationship we work, so we just say relationship therapy. We do this to be inclusive of all relationships regardless of the number of people involved.