Yes, the Big O can be toe-curlingly euphoric, but it’s definitely not the only pleasurable aspect of a sexual encounter. Even when sex doesn’t end in climax, it can still feel really damn good for both partners.
“Sex operates on so many dimensions beyond the physical, or in tandem and unique synergy with the physical,” said Liz Afton, a therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective. “Whether in tantric breathing, BDSM edging, professional sex surrogates or fetish-oriented kinks, the profound spiritual and emotional healing potential of sex and sexuality is too often overlooked.”’
MYTH #2: “Being into kink makes you abnormal or sexually deviant.
If the mega-popularity of “50 Shades of Grey” (though problematic in some regards) is any indication, kink is no longer a niche community relegated to the dark corners of the internet. Spanking, role-playing and bondage are all common types of kink — which is defined as a sexual activity or desire outside of the conventional (read: vanilla) appetite.
“Kinkiness is becoming more and more mainstream, which eases the shame and isolation kinky folks experienced in the past,” said Jesse Kahn, therapist and director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective. “Not only are more people kinky, but folks are starting to realize that their sex life already incorporates kinky elements.”’
And one more myth:
MYTH #3: Planning sex is not sexy.
This is totally not true! In our culture we have a fantasy about spontaneous sex, but, if you really think about it, even our sex that feels spontaneous is often not. Specific actions and intentions led to those moments. Planning sex can be equally hot once we expand our definition of what “planning” means. When we create an erotic environment, incorporate new toys, re-visit our turn-ons, or explore different fantasies, we are planning sex. Using this perspective, we redefine rigidity and spontaneity.