5 Ways to Change Your Relationship with Rest
Do you rest when you need to?
Making time for rest can be harder than it sounds, and a lot of people really struggle with rest. It often seems like there is something more important to do than to slow down or take a break, and rest often gets put on the back burner, to deal with later.
Think about how many times you’ve sacrificed sleep because you were working on something or had something better to do. We’ve all done it! The problem is that a lack of rest eventually catches up to us and becomes unsustainable.
Why is it so hard to rest?
In a world where we’re expected to always be working, or at the very least doing something productive, it can feel impossible to step away and rest. Our relationship with rest is often influenced by the way we grew up. If you rarely saw your parents take time to rest when you were growing up, it can feel wrong to make rest a part of your daily life as an adult.
There’s only 24 hours in a day, and some of us have more freedom with our time than others. Making time for rest can feel like it’s not an option when you’re struggling to make ends meet, or when you’re dealing with draining and dangerous situations, like discrimination.
It can feel almost taboo to do nothing. There’s often a little voice in the back of our minds saying that we should be getting things done, but that voice is a result of our non-stop productivity culture. Learning how to tune out that voice that says you’re not doing enough takes practice.
What is rest?
Sleep and rest are often thought of as interchangeable, but they’re not the same thing. You can sleep and wake up still not feeling rested. When you’re drained and depleted, sometimes sleep isn’t enough to set you right again.
There are different types of rest. Rest doesn’t just mean getting enough sleep, or literally doing nothing. Different types of rest are helpful for different aspects of yourself. Some different aspects of rest can include:
Spiritual Rest
Physical Rest
Creative Rest
Mental Rest
Social Rest
Sensory Rest
Emotional Rest
Different approaches can support each type of rest. For example, if you’re drained socially, resting might look like alone time or saying no to an invitation. Creative rest, on the other hand, might look like exploring someone else’s creative practice to inspire your own.
If you have a hard time finding ways to rest, try to break things down to these categories. Are you feeling overwhelmed emotionally? Are you experiencing a sense of disconnection from greater meaning? Are you just really, really tired? Finding a way to address each different issue can help you feel more rested overall.
Why is rest important
Rest isn’t scrolling on social media, watching tv, or even just sleeping. Rest is anything that replenishes you. Rest is necessary to our bodily functions, because without rest, we can’t heal and recharge. Our brains and bodies can’t just go on endlessly - they require energy to function. Our brains also need time to make sense of all the information they get throughout the day, like encoding memories, making connections, and understanding things learned.
Our brains can’t work at full attention all of the time; they’re not designed for that. They need time to go into default mode and reset. That’s why sometimes when you’re stuck on a problem, you’ll think of a solution after you take a shower or go for a walk. Shifting your attention to something else can help your brain solve the problem behind the scenes.
Our culture has a messed up relationship with rest, but that doesn’t mean you need to. Give these suggestions a try to shift your relationship with rest:
Remember that rest is restorative, not depleting
Rest can be confusing, because so many of us have an idea of rest as doing absolutely nothing. While having nothing to do can be rejuvenating sometimes, for some people it can be distressing. We are a culture that moves quickly, so sitting in stillness can be confusing. Remember that rest doesn’t have to be just sitting there, doing nothing, though. Rest is anything that helps you feel restored and recharged. Rest leaves you feeling filled up instead of depleted.
Treat yourself like you’d treat someone else
If it’s still hard to justify resting, consider how you’d approach someone else in your situation. If you knew someone who was struggling with something and needed rest, you probably wouldn’t hesitate to tell them to take a break. Even if there’s something really important on their plate, it’s impossible to get important things done when you’re depleted, so rest has to happen. Most people find it easier to be compassionate toward others than toward themselves, so treat yourself like you’d treat someone else.
Recognize that rest can be political
Rest shouldn’t have to be earned. We are all entitled to rest. It can be hard to square this fact away with the reality that we live in an unjust society. Some people may legitimately struggle to find moments to rest, because they need to work or be a caretaker. In a world where we have the means to house everyone, feed everyone, and care for everyone, but our leaders choose not to, rest is a political act. Caring for ourselves helps us care for our communities, which helps us make the world a safer place for everyone.
Take screen breaks
It’s really hard to rest when you’re looking at a screen. Our devices were designed to be addicting, and so they stimulate our brains in ways that aren’t always obvious. The constant stream of intense information and the endless ways to distract yourself can be activating for your nervous system, which is the opposite of rest. Obviously, eliminating screens isn’t feasible for most of us for most of the day, but do what you can to give yourself options other than a screen. Even a little bit at a time can help you lower your level of emotional distress and feel more rested.
Start small and build
Learning how to rest effectively takes practice. If you struggle with resting, it’s unlikely that you’re going to transform your relationship to rest overnight. Focus on taking it one day at a time. Listen to your body and what it’s telling you, and remember that you don’t need to earn rest. You can rest even if you feel like you don’t deserve it. It will get easier with time.
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