Sex, Consent, and Safety: What You Need to Know

Sex and consent are complicated.

There’s a lot more that goes into it than we’re taught in school, and because sex is such a vulnerable experience between people, having a secure feeling of safety is necessary for everyone involved to have a pleasurable time. But consent is more than just hearing a yes from your partner, and safety is about more than just physical barriers to present STIs. 

We’ve gathered rounded up all of our blogs to date focused on sexual safety and consent as a quick reference guide you can turn to: 

For cultivating sexual safety: 

So, you want to have safe sex. We’ll give you the bad news first: There is no such thing as completely 100% risk-free sexual contact with another person. However, you can make safer sex the goal. 

There is a lot of misinformation out there about sex and safety (some of which we’ve written about before!), and it can be hard to tell what’s true and what’s not.

Here are some of our top tips for having safer sex: How to Have Safe(r) Sex

Understanding different arousal experiences also helps us become more empathetic partners, and gives us opportunities in our relationship for intimate and intentional communication. 

So why are arousal experiences so varied? And what can you do to help overcome any obstacles those differences may present in your relationships? 

Here are 9 things to keep in mind: Understanding Different Experiences of Arousal

Sex, including all acts of consensual and erotic pleasure, can be a deeply emotional and vulnerable experience. This is the intimacy that helps us fall in love, stay in love, and connect with both play partners and ourselves. However, this vulnerability can also leave us open to experiencing triggers. While caring partner(s) rarely mean to trigger us, it can still disrupt the moment. 

Here are 13 Soothing Tips If You’re Triggered During Sex

One of the most common struggles people have sexually is staying present in the moment. Whether this is rooted in stress and being busy, a trauma response and getting triggered, or just struggling to stay with the pleasure of the moment — almost everyone will come up against this during their sexual life. Bringing mindfulness into sex isn’t as easy as deciding you will stay present with your partner(s) — there is complexity in how humans interact sexually.

Here’s our advice on How To Stay Present During Sex

Sexual struggles can feel particularly isolating because we are not taught skills around nourishing our sexual being. When experiencing anxiety or insecurity around sex, it can be challenging to even broach the topic with a partner. There are many different ways that anxiety or insecurity can show up in our sex life. It may look like never feeling in the mood for sex, experiencing painful sex, orgasming before you want to, not feeling confident during sex, or struggling to orgasm (or something else). 

Here are some tools for Easing Sexual Anxiety and Insecurities

For considering consent: 

Popular consent education courses often focus on phrases such as “Yes means yes” and “No is a full sentence.” While the sentiment behind these statements is true, sexual consent is far more complicated than simply being able to say the words yes or no. While talking about the importance of consent in order to have ethical sex has increased over the past few years, what is often left out of that conversation is exactly how to navigate consent in practice. 

Read more on this in: Complicating Consent Beyond Yes and No

While safe words are thought of mainly as something used in kink spaces, incorporating them into your sex life can be a good practice for anyone, including people who aren’t interested in exploring kink! Safe words provide an easy, quick, and clear way to communicate exactly what you need in the moment, with minimal chances of miscommunication. 

Safe Words: What You Need to Know

For exploring kink safely: 

If we want an education on kinky topics, many of us have to go looking for it ourselves. Which is where we come in! Kink doesn’t have to be a big scary thing hanging over you - ideally, it is there to provide you a safe space to explore your desires and sexuality. So, it’s important that all participants feel safe (in any sexual scenario, not just kink!). However, there are some ways to approach safety that are specific to kinky activities. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to discuss safety and kink with your sexual partner(s), here are our top tips:  Kink + Safety: What You Need to Know

With BDSM making its way into pop culture, you may feel like you are missing something, but it’s okay if you try it, or even just consider trying it, and decide that non-kinky sex is what brings you pleasure, and decide to leave the spanking, whips and chains behind. But if you find yourself repeatedly fantasizing about roleplaying, , BDSM, or other sexual activities that fall outside of the vanilla, it may be time to step gently into the world of kink! 

Here are 8 tips for vanilla couples who want to be kinkier: Tips for Vanilla Couples Wanting to Be Kinkier

Authority-based relationships are built on  consensual, erotic power exchange. Not only are such dynamics common fantasies that can be extremely sexually fulfilling, they also offer us a chance to explore our shadow sides! This could be feeling like a little girl who wants to be held or the man who only feels safe showing his submissive side to his dominatrix. But, due to the sex-negative society we exist within and poor portrayals in the media, there are many misconceptions about authority-based relationships.

Read: 9 Myths About Authority-Based Relationships and Navigating Authority-Based Relationships

Dominance/submission (D/s) agreements are a way to help people navigate relationships where there is a consensual power exchange. These agreements, sometimes called contracts, were popularized in the mainstream via the 50 Shades of Grey series, though like many other aspects of BDSM, they were not accurately portrayed. Let’s unpack how D/s agreements work and how you can establish one in your relationship. 

Read: How to Negotiate a Dominance/submission Agreement and Negotiating Your Needs As A Sub

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